Good fences make good neighbors

Maintaining healthy boundaries in relationship requires an awareness of oneself and others. This is a foundational concept of emotional intelligence (EI).

Knowing how much space is needed for each member of the relationship matters. And managing expectations does too. Ill-fitting boundaries may leave someone feeling, somehow, unfulfilled. As it is with physical boundaries, healthy boundaries in relationship are like good neighbors and good fences. While friends often bear one another's burdens, this sharing may not be expected or wanted between neighbors. As long as neighbors keep their problems and issues on their side of a good fence, the relationship is good.

The grass is always greener on the other side. This may be true. The grass is greener on the other side. But, that greener grass is watered and fertilized, regularly. Or, perhaps it is artificial turf. As such, in relationship, each member must do their part to nourish their self awareness and the relationship. Healthy relationship requires healthy members, each honestly conveying their limitations and being mindful of the boundaries, if the relationship will endure over time.

Often while driving around a residential community a large house on a substantial lot may catch the eye. A little further down the road, invariably, there will be another conspicuously large house on a minor plot of land. The second property may be very similar to the first, at least on the outside; all except the lot seems too small. The large house on the small lot has undergone some sort of makeover or a remodel. Now the house has outgrown its boundaries. Unfortunately, the remodeled house is so large, some of the appeal of the large house on the large lot is missing.

People dig deep and become financially, emotionally indebted in personal relationships, ignoring the boundaries where each is optimally comfortable. Easily, any observer is able to see that the relationship has outgrown the individual capacity, the boundaries of one or all of the members. A few examples of this in personal relationships are an unhappy partner who buys a dog (that no one wants to walk or train); an unexpected pregnancy in addition to pre-existing marital strain.

The issue of healthy boundaries can also arise in work relationships. For example, a client that monopolizes the free consultation or training that is offered by customer service; the coworker who always wants to talk about their personal problems during lunch. Healthy boundaries are easily distorted. Believing that our ongoing contract was a great opportunity for ~RW to expand our product offering, one client failed to understand that small business development coaching and editing are temporary and limited. We do not provide daily software support, administrative assistance, or ongoing data entry as a service. A potential client submitted a book proposal and requested editing. The potential client was pushing boundaries, even before the relationship began. ~RW does not offer “ghost writing” services, but rather writing coaching.

Perhaps, there is room for further business and professional development at ~RW; however, we do not solicit our clients for business advice. And if you have what you believe is an opportunity for ~RW, please present righting.writing@yahoo.com as a referral to the other potential client.

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